A Place at the Table

	I was born with an extra tooth on the upper right which stuck

straight out between my lips when they were at rest.  It was

determined that when I was old enough, the extra tooth would be

pulled.  The day came when I was eight and they wheeled in the big

nitrous tank.  Dr. Vanker asked me who my favorite cartoon character

was and I said 'Goofy!'.  He started telling me a convoluted story

about Goofy including, for an unknown reason, Lady and the Tramp.

As he adjusted the "spacemask" over my nose and mouth, he informed me

that I was going off on a trip to the moon with the various cartoon

characters, so I waved goodbye to him and his pretty assistant in

the white jumpsuit with the big bell bottoms.

	I went off to a land that sure enough included Goofy,

Lady and the Tramp, and more.  I saw everything--  how the universe

is constructed of a great spiral consisting of little spirals, with

each beginning its end.  Each little spiral contained one hundred

and each hundred, a thousand;  each thousand, a million.  I stopped

looking when my head started spinning.  I realized that the only

way to keep things going for as long as possible is to create

a cycle.  In the past, I thought it was cruel the way animals

attacked and ate each other, pulling flesh away while the victim

tried to escape, desperate energy spent toward the struggle ebbing

with its life.

	But I now also saw that this was the way things had to be

in order to achieve a breathing perpetual motion machine;  life

must feed from life.  Stagnation occurs if life is not released

from its mundane bonds.  And yet, life released is not a loss, it

is an augmentation to a great central ball which digests, recombines,

and releases again into the universe a form stronger than before.

	I went to the sea, the sky, and outer space and understood

that the cycle was happening everywhere.  Also, something I had

never felt before.  I noticed that a tiny place had been saved for

me on the great DNA strand of the universe.  I felt deeply awed

and grateful for the many possible combinations of things that I

could be and could cause to happen there on my little speck.

	When I woke up, my fingers were tingly.  I looked down

and found a little blue rubber Goofy in my hand.  I thought it

was really cool that I had retained a physical token of my journey

through space and time (I didn't make the connection that Dr. Vanker

had tucked it in there while I was under the gas).

	The assistant wiped my cheek and said, 'My, we've never

had anyone cry before'.  'I didn't mean to', I said.  She was gently

wiping the hair out of my face, smiling down at me.  She had shiny

shoulder-length red hair, flipped up at the ends, with thick bangs.

I wished that she could impart her cool hairdo to me while stroking

my hair.

	Afterward, Mom took us for a day of shopping and

Kresge-counter fountain sodas, the ones in paper-cone cups in

metal holders.  The silver flecks in the formica countertop

reminded me of the beings on the Strand, bright forms making

the otherwise mundane worth looking at, bound on the same plane by

a shining chrome-trim, a tough mixture of compassion, uniqueness,

and achievement.

	We took our time heading back home, enjoying the the longer

country path.  Mom pointed out things to my brother and me and,

as usual, invented little fantasy scenarios about them to entertain

us.  She passed the grazing cows on the hillside farms, observing

that the brown cows are the ones that give chocolate milk and how,

if you excuse your intrusion and politely ask them, they will give

you a tiny box of milk with a straw, much like the ones that she

pulled out from a cooler in the trunk.  As Mom spun tales, I felt

more and more content and safe.  I let my mind drift to thoughts

of the magical universe with its endless possibilities and, for

the first time, realized that Mom was re-creating that world for

me with her stories.

	I know that the world of daily life is one small part of

the universe, yet it is difficult to reach beyond the mundane

at times.  When dullness settles in and reality is a weight, then you

know that the magic has gone from your life.  You may go through

the motions, go to work and the grocery store.  Day after day,

nothing interesting happens, you meet nobody with an unusual way

to spark your imagination.  You wonder why you feel unsatisfied,

even though you have everything.  You do not realize that you are

seeking a key, but you will know when it finds you.

	I imagine the world of daily life as a circle nesting

within the greater circle of the universe.  The edge of the circle

of daily life is a fringe composed of magical elements that are

half mundane and half universal.  These elements are keys which

allow beings to sense and appreciate the beauty and potential of

the universe.  The keys are different for each person.

	I thank Mom for giving me a key early in life, so that

I would never know the emptiness of life without one.  Every time

I see a carton of chocolate milk in a gas station refrigerator,

I smile a wry smile and know that it is one key, allowing a taste

of the fantastic vision of the universe.  That and a litle rubber

Goofy in my jewelry box.