Dog Haiku
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 I love my master;
 Thus I perfume myself with
 This long-rotten squirrel

 I lie belly-up
 In the sunshine, happier than
 You ever will be

 Today I sniffed
 Many dog butts-I celebrate
 By kissing your face.

 I sound the alarm!
 Paperboy-come to kill us all-
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 I sound the alarm!
 Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 I sound the alarm!
 Meter reader-come to kill us all-
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 I sound the alarm!
 Garbage man-come to kill us all-
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 I sound the alarm!
 Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 I lift my leg and
 Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
 Sniff this and weep

 How do I love thee?
 The ways are numberless as
 My hairs on the rug

 My human is home!
 I am so ecstatic I have
 Made a puddle

 I hate my choke chain -
 Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
 Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

 Sleeping here, my chin
 On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
 Maybe catching cats

 Look in my eyes and
 Deny it. No human could
 Love you as much I do

 The cat is not all
 Bad-she fills the litter box
 With Tootsie Rolls

 Dig under fence-why?
 Because it's there. Because it's
 There. Because it's there.

 I am your best friend,
 Now, always, and especially
 When you are eating.

 You may call them fleas,
 But they are far more -I call
 Them a vocation

 My owners' mood is
 Romantic-I lie near their
 Feet. I fart a big one.