The Rape of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Cap'n Scrogg by Sue Blair ------------------------------------------------- (Original title: The Rape of Sue Blair's Refrigerator by Captain Sean Coleman) (this is really bad) The Fitzgerald, stout vessel most worthy Docked tight in the vast Saline murky stashed in its hold silver and gold glistening in its off-worldly beauty piled high and abundant from strange shores resplendent in the old fighting ways of the hard ancient days where men did as man was intended Wares from China and Italy, Kathmandu the finest Celtic spirits, ales and brew Cap'n Scrogg boarded her deck And with swaggering step he smashed the hold lock into two Arrrrr! A gleam filled his eyes And he licked his lips as he spied two plump red tomatoes which his broad hands glided over caressing gently the bountiful prize he ripped a worthy belch forth wiped the residue with his scarf and scratched his left ball with unmitigated gall setting fire to a kerosene torch The crispy shrimp in its ginger sauce fell first to the hunger and was lost half a dozen hard ciders provided the chasers as the ship port to starboard was tossed the tomato pizza was next and it was hard to guess where Scrogg was packing it all hmm, perhaps his right ball then again, not knowing be best Aye! A bag of ruffles fryed chips interspersed throughout this like a sprinkling of laughter when meeting mates banter and tell tales of old seafaring trips over the bonfire on the shore telling briny tales of yore strange creatures well met the north carolina pirate mermaids and mermans galore a warm glow suffuses the crew as they drift off one, then two they drowsily mutter as they fall on each other not aware of what it is that they do the good spirit lingers as sleep loosens the fingers the bottle let slip as it rolls on the ship becoming the next fallen singer Arrrrrgghh!