Having a dossier when trodding through the ugly morass of dating can only save you time (and money, if you are paying for dinner and movies!). If you are single, it pays to carry a dossier with you at all times that you can whip out and show to any interested parties. This will help weed out any unworthy candidates in a surprisingly short amount of time rather than having to sit through an entire dinner only to find out that someone is not syncing with the master program! Pretty much the master program is: It's All About Me, All The Time. Here is my dossier: About me -------- I need copious amounts of time alone since I like to write poetry and fiction. I also talk to myself all the time. Generally, I think I'm pretty funny, so I also laugh all the time for no apparent reason. I hate it when people criticize my constant swearing, stupid antique shopping, porno viewing, drinking, depressing poetry, and pagan beliefs. They seriously need to lighten up. I like to lie on the couch all day on football Sundays and I don't want to hear anything about it. I hate all winter sports, though I prefer cold weather which is why I live in Michigan. I think that people who live in Michigan and complain about the cold are idiots. I need grilling space and like to lounge frequently in the hottub, as a rhino chills in its bubbly mud hole. I never want to have kids. I have a major bug up my ass against the pro-lifers and I don't mind criticizing other people's religious and political beliefs in public if they get in my space. What I'm looking for -------------------- Non-smoking dude. Chewing is also unacceptable. Must be in good physical condition in order to keep up with regular scrogging schedule and employ good dental and general hygiene. A dude that is generally silent that likes to scrog. I hate scrogging chatty guys. I especially hate "porno talk" during sex. Must have a triple-digit IQ, be reasonably articulate, and be able to spell. Must enjoy scrogging, especially cunnilinguistics. Must also enjoy cuddling and spooning. Prefer guys that fall asleep after sex rather than chatting. I hate having sex during the day, so must be into evening scrogging. I hate scrogging all night long. Must scrog once or twice and then fall asleep. Must be employed or else have shitloads of cash. Must be willing to vacate the premises for scheduled chick activities. Should be willing to tolerate an eclectic montage of modern furniture, tiki decor. and the baroque. Should recognize that skulls and pirate ships are reasonable pad accessories. Should truly appreciate the beauty of the rhinoceros as it trots through the foliage like a dainty battleship. Cannot be a major neat freak. Also cannot be a major slob. No cats. Achoo. Dogs are OK, but their ass can never touch my pillow, and that tends to happen with dogs around. Cannot be an employee of MCI Worldcom or its subsidiaries, vendors, or suppliers.